Year eleven.
whoa.
that's pretty much all I've been saying to myself this whole month.
I am in year eleven and it's the weirdest feeling.
Everyone who is in uniform in school younger than me.
The year sevens have only ever known me as a year eleven. Yet I've only ever known myself as a year seven!
It feels as if my school life has gone:
Year Seven YearEightYearNineYearTen Year Eleven.
Just typing 'year eleven', is odd.
Everyone says 'enjoy it! year eleven is the best year'
but then they also say
'knuckle down! this is the most important year!'
and i'm trying to do both.
But the truth is it hasn't yet sunk in that I'm in year eleven yet.
How am I supposed to knuckle down and enjoy myself if I'm not with it?
How am I supposed to knuckle down and enjoy myself if I'm not with it?
The reassuring thing is that everybody in my year is feeling like this.
Every time a teacher says 'year eleven's' none of us respond immediately.
And then all of a sudden there's a murmured wash of realisation that they're talking to us.
It's so strange.
I want so desperately for it to sink in though because the thought of less than a year left of me being with all of my friends terrifies me.
The thought that one moment it's there and then all of a sudden it's gone seems so unreal that it will never happen.
The other day I was sat in english and somebody said:
'Isn't it strange that this class has stayed relatively the same since year seven?! We've all grown up together and soon that's all going to be gone'
and it was completely true and we were all just sat looking at each other in shock for five minutes, letting that thought sink in.
A couple of weeks before that I came across our very first group year photo in year seven.
I was looking at everyone and smiling (and laughing but hush) and thinking how much we've all changed.
I then found a piece of paper tucked into the frame and unfolded it.
I had written everyone in the picture down on paper in order.
Most of the people I knew the names of and had written down however some people had just a '?' because I didn't yet know their name.
Some of these people I would now consider close friends.
I was also thought about some of my first impressions.
I never remember first impressions of people however I do remember, very clearly, three, and they remember their first impressions of me!
1) She hated me and I thought she was incredibly annoying.
But now she is one of my closest friends and we find it hilarious how badly we first thought of each other.
2) She didn't get into dance company and I did.
I thought she hated me for it and thought that was very mean as I'd never spoken to her.
Now not a day goes by when we don't text each other and I couldn't ask for a better chummy.
3) She joined in year eight and got put next to me in ICT.
She said she smiled at me and I apparently just looked at her and then back at my computer.
Yet 3 years later, when we're put next to each other, we cry laugh pretty much every time!
It is honestly the strangest thing, dearest 1 reader. I realise I keep saying that. But it is.
I also realise I sound like an old woman or someone on that
'This is Your Life' programme, when I know this is only a tiny fraction of it.
But apparently the best and most important fraction.
And that's why the words:
goals
dreams
commitment
grades
work
and
enjoyment
have been spoken to us a huge number of times.
By friends, family, teachers etc
whoever
whoever
and we're expected to listen.
But what has helped quite a lot are these 'motivational videos' you see on the internet.
They're cheesy and all say the same thing, but they also happen to be seriously reassuring and around a lot at the moment.
I don't know if it's a coincidence or because most of the people sharing them are also in year eleven, but I'm seeing a lot, at the moment, and I'd like to share some of my favourites:
Carrie Hope Fletcher
One I found on youtube
One that came up on my tumblr dashboard
One that came up on my facebook newsfeed
Shown at school
(also JK Rowling was turned down by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury accepted her and published Harry Potter - just had to add that one in...hehe)
Lots of love
Elspeth x
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