The title of this blog post was taken from my favourite book (besides Harry Potter) - 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'.
I think that that quote is so incredibly apt, particularly for people of my age group, because it explains exactly how I, and a lot of others, feel pretty much the majority of the time.
It's confusing if you don't know the feeling, and it's a hard thing to try to explain to someone.
If somebody asks 'are you okay' you'll answer with 'I'm fine', because you are, and they'll say 'great!' and walk away. And it's completely not their fault because they're not supposed to know, and you've just said you're fine, haven't you?
But what you really want is for someone to say 'do you want to chat?' because yes, that's exactly what you want.
Whenever someone asks me if I'm okay, I never say what's wrong right away because otherwise I feel as if I'm loading all of my problems onto them and it can be quite overwhelming and perhaps slightly scary for that person. It's only after they've asked me quite a few times if i'm okay that'll I'll eventually say what ever it is bothering me.
It might sound selfish or attention seeking or whatever you want to call it, and maybe it is, but is there anything wrong with wanting a bit of attention? It doesn't have to be
EVERYONE LOOK AT ME
attention. More
somebody cares about me
attention.
(I have no clue if i'm making sense here)
Being both happy and sad is strange. With me, for example, the happy part is that my life is pretty great, I have the bestest friends I could ever ask for, I get on incredibly well with my family, I'm healthy, and have a roof over my head.
So what could possibly be wrong???
I d o n ' t k n o w
I'm a massive worrier so it could be anything.
From 'this person hasn't replied to my text - they hate me' to 'in the next year I have to do exams that determine my future'.
((I have no clue where I'm going with this but I wanted to say it and hopefully tell someone reading this that just because you aren't depressed, homeless, or living an awful life it does not mean that you are not allowed to be sad.))
I'm an incredibly happy person and I try my hardest to stay that way especially for some of my friends who maybe need someone to make them smile.
My main goal in life is to make people happy and when I see anyone who is sad I honestly hate it.
It's going to sound so generic and typical teenage girl-y but I'm serious when I say that seeing people cry makes me cry.
I'm always willing to lend people a hug or a smile - especially a hug I'm being serious, okay, you could be anyone at all I d o n ' t c a r e, if you need a hug I will give you a bloody hug!
But it's quite hard to be 'the happy person' who's 'always happy' and whom people have 'never seen cry', because sometimes people forget that you maybe need a bit of cheering up too or someone to ask you, 'what are you worrying about' because it doesn't have to be a big thing for it to completely take over your mind and make you worried. But it's also not hard to hide that with a smile and, right away, you're back to your 'happy' self.
And I think that's what being happy and sad at the same time is.
You're sad without being depressed.
And happy without sadness being out of the question.
You want someone to say 'what are you worrying about?' because then you know they know something's wrong which makes you feel cared about and also you feel more inclined to answer fully, because they're asking you to tell them what's wrong. Not just to tell them 'I'm fine'.
If you're thinking
'of my life thank you Elspeth you have just described me and I thought I was the only one'.
that.is.great.
and I have given you some ideas below of what to do when you're feeling a bit down, until you're happy again:
- watch you're favourite film. even if it's the 30th time you've watched it. do it. I do this a lot. If I've had a crap day or I'm feel crap ~ I stick on Tangled or Harry Potter and I feel happy again
- do whatever it is that you love. be it drawing, reading, walking around, tidying, w h a t e v e r. do it. keep it stress free, fun, satisfying and relaxing ~ drawing Disney characters is what I tend to do
- text your closest friend. don't text them what's wrong. not right now. just have a conversation about anything ~ this honestly helps so so much
- listen to music. every time I feel rubbish I listen to music and it makes me feel something else I can't describe
- eat. no explanation needed.
- sleep. or lie on your bed on your own and just think about anything.
- think about happy memories with your friends or family
and the cheesiest yet most effective one
think about everyone and anyone you love smiling and laughing.
yes i realise how unbearable cheesy it is
but i promise you
***
I hope you feel more happy than sad soon
Elspeth
xx
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